Sellotaped Heart
by SaveTheWorldGetTheGirl
Summary: This is basically about the recent set of spoilers. :) Just a one shot but please give it a read and if there is enough support I might do a bit more (between the two time periods, you'll get it when you read the story what I mean) Anyway, please read and review!


**Heyyy! This is just something I've been playing with since I read the spoilers this morning. I know I've got my other fics and I'll update them some point this weekend but I just couldn't resist having a go because a lot of people have! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, please review as I love reading what you think! :) xx**

Jac sat opposite Jonny on her desk chair which she had pulled round so she could face him. After deciding to keep the child the harder decision was how she was going to tell Jonny and facing his reaction. The first decision had undoubtedly been hard to make and she had spent most of her time after the shift she had found out crying in her flat. She had been incredibly stupid to think that just because of her condition, she wouldn't be able to conceive and so no protection was required. Jonny hadn't thought this strange because he didn't care, he just wanted sex. That was apparent from his attitude towards her since the slap. Oh, how she regretted that. That was the one of the worst decisions she had ever made and she realised that as soon as she had done it, but Jac was stubborn and everything she did was right. But it wasn't and she knew it.

The moment she had found out that she was pregnant she shut off everything. She didn't really register Mo's comment until later on when she sat on the kitchen floor in her flat. She had sat on the cold hard floor sobbing until a voice in her head told her to pull herself together. Then she thought about the moment Mr T told her and she heard Mo's comment again and for some reason this made her laugh; in fact, this made her laugh uncontrollably for the best part of ten minutes. If anybody had been watching her they would have thought she was a very strange person. Only very few people knew the truth; she had been broken too many times. Her heart had been Sellotaped together too many times and the pieces were getting old and losing their effect. It was starting to peel away, leaving a patchwork of muscle that's only remaining job was to pump blood because its capacity to love had fallen away.

She looked at Jonny's unimpressed face that did not soften at all, even when she tried to smile at him. He sat unwillingly opposite, wondering why she had asked him in here and why she was looking so serious. It wasn't work serious either; it was more like the serious face she used just before she told him she loved him. The lines of her young-looking face were visible and Jonny noticed she was actually wincing now and a reflex action to hold her hands was just that: a reflex action. He quickly pulled away from her, noticing her expression change. He didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing he still had feelings for her; now he was controlling them because he knew it would never, _could_ never work and he was sick of the on and off relationship they had. All he had wanted from her was her love back; it had been there for a while then suddenly something had changed and the anger in her face when she slapped him was unbelievable. He almost reached his hand up to the side of the face where she had hit him, but he remembered where he was and those thoughts flew from his mind.

"Did you want something Ms Naylor?" He said pointedly, having had enough of waiting patiently while she got herself together. He wasn't enjoying drifting off remembering times with her.  
"Jonny, this isn't about work. You've probably already guessed that it wasn't anyway." Jac was actually nervous. This was another side of her he had never experienced. He had seen the sadness in her eyes when she told him she loved him because she was worried he wouldn't take her back. This was not sadness though; this was nervousness. Her voice shook slightly and the more she fought to keep control of it, the more she lost it. Jonny felt the tiniest bit of pity for her because he couldn't help it; if it had been anyone else he would have reacted the same way… Probably.  
"Are you okay?" He asked in the most detached, monotone voice he could muster, but this was Jac and it would never be that easy for him. She looked straight at him for the first time and it felt like she was staring right down into his soul with her green-blue eyes. He hadn't noticed it before but she was starting to cry and his heart sank.  
"I'm pregnant." There she had said it. It was over.

Now it was time for the freak out from Jonny. At first he didn't quite register what she had said and it took him a few moments of opening and closing his mouth like a fish for him to finally say something.  
"It's mine?"  
"Of course it's yours!" She said a little too angrily even though she knew she had no right and the same thought had crossed his mind that had crossed hers. It could have been Sean's. That was too long ago though and they both knew that Jac hadn't slept with anyone else except for the night that Tara died.

"Well I just thought I'd ask because we both know you're not exactly faithful." His comment hurt her but it was true and she'd only brought it upon herself. She just down at her lap. It was easier for Jonny to think and talk now that she wasn't staring intently at him.  
"What are you going to do?"  
"I don't know. I really don't and this is a first for me. I just thought that you needed to know."

"Well yeah… obviously. I don't really know what to say Jac. I don't really know what you want me to say either. If you had expected me to be all happy about just because I told you it's what I wanted then you're wrong. I wanted it with somebody I loved and loved me back. I wanted it with someone who wasn't complicated or carried so much baggage with them that it was hard to see them in the present." Jac was starting to cry now but Jonny wasn't sure if he cared. He could only imagine that this felt like the moment she told him she had slept with Sean.

"Jonny, please stop." She stayed looking down, probably so he couldn't see her cry. He was angry and as much as she had hurt him, he had seen that he had already hurt her enough so he left the room.

She stared dumbstruck at the door he had just slammed behind him before collapsing from her chair on to the floor. She pulled her knees high up to her chest and buried her face into them before crying. She felt as though she could cry all the moisture from her body and she would just dry up and shrivel. That would have been simpler and easier than her current situation. From what Jonny had said she decided that he didn't want the baby and he didn't want her either. She couldn't really blame him but she hadn't yet told him the full story; she hadn't told him the reason she had slapped him or the reason she got so angry at those things he said. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to now. She had thought about everything she had wanted to say to him before she told him she was pregnant but somehow she hadn't been able to muster the words and now his reaction made it perfectly clear that she wouldn't be telling him these things.

She left her office after drying her eyes and reapplying her make-up so she could hide her real feelings. She worked the rest of her shift avoiding Jonny's gaze and Mo's questions. She finally finished and she had never walked so fast to her car after a shift before but the truth was she couldn't wait to be as far away as possible from her life here. Everything was so complicated and it was her own fault. It was at this point that Jonny appeared at her side. His solemn face told her that he wasn't here to get excited about their baby.

"Mo told me about the endometriosis. I had no idea; I really didn't Jac and you know that. It's your fault that we're in this state Jac because you just can't open up to people who care for you; you just push and push and one day Jac, there won't be anyone to push and you'll just push yourself over the edge.I'm sorry Jac but it's true. I'm still in love with you but we can't be together and I don't think that having a baby in this mess will help the situation either. I'm not saying you have to get rid of it but I just don't think I could be a part of its life. It's cursed; I'm trying my hardest to get over you and seeing you every day at work doesn't help but it's the best for both of us." Before she could say anything, he walked away from her. She lifted a hand to her face, expecting to have to wipe away some tears but she found nothing there; perhaps she had already dried and shrivelled up.

Somehow she managed to sleep quite well that night. It was as though her body had already decided what she was going to do and her mind was just taking orders from it. She woke up early the next morning, ready to face the day at work. It was as though the previous day had not happened and neither the thought of the pregnancy nor the thought of Jonny entered her mind until she got to work where she saw Jonny for a split second before hiding away in her office to make a phone call. It took her ten minutes to book an appointment and just as she pressed the phone off, Elliot entered their joint office. He noted her saddened expression but knew best not to mention anything for fear that he would get his head bitten off by the feisty consultant. He sat quietly behind his desk, the silence between them growing until Jac open her mouth to break it, surprising them both.  
"Elliot, I just want to say thank you. All these years I've had your guidance and even though you've not always been the strongest supporter of my work, I've always admired yours and it's been such a privilege to work with you." Elliot was shocked to say the least and just as Jonny had walked away, Jac walked from the office and left Darwin ward to travel in the lift to Mr Hanssen's office.

After emerging an hour later she made her way to AAU to find Sacha.  
"I'm looking for Mr Levy." She said to Mary-Claire who sat lazily behind the nurses' station. The Irish nurse pointed to the office without even looking up at her. She didn't even moan at her for her incompetence and instead found Sacha talking to Serena in this office. It wasn't long ago that he had found out about his daughter's leukaemia and she had been the person he had told first. She was his best friend. Now she needed to tell him her news and she wished he would be as supportive as he usually would, except she was dreading his response. Jac waited patiently outside the office until Serena left and Sacha was left. He was smiling although any other person in his position wouldn't be; he had come into work too as his daughter had gone into school, trying to keep everything as normal as it could be. He welcomed Jac with a hug which she allowed because she was just about to tell him something she knew he wouldn't be happy about and anything that could lessen the impact of the news she would have to deal with.  
"Sacha this isn't just a friendly visit, neither am I here for a consult. I actually have some news." He saw that she was serious but she was always serious so his expression didn't change yet. "I'm leaving at the end of the day." This type his expression changed. His face fell and so did hers. As much as she thought she thought she was all cried out, she hadn't anticipated how Sacha taking the news would impact her. She began crying and trying to explain things while he cried himself.

"I just have too many bad memories here. I can't cope with the guilt. I need to start somewhere fresh, somewhere where people don't know me or my past." She hadn't mentioned her pregnancy yet.  
"What's all brought this up though Jac?"  
"I'm pregnant. But I'm getting rid of it. I know it's against your personality or whatever but I'm alone and the father doesn't want to involved and I don't think, in fact I know that I can't love this baby because I'm incapable of loving anything."  
"Don't say that Jac, you just need to try!"  
"I've tried to love people but I mess it up Sacha! It's all I can do and all that I will ever do."  
"You care about me and your other friends, and you obviously care enough to have thought about it."  
"First of all Sacha, you're my only friend and you'll be better off without me anyway because you're the nicest person I've ever met and you don't need someone like me in your life."  
"Jac, you're my best friend. You're the first person I told about Rachel because I needed your support and guess what Jac, you gave it to me because you care." Jac didn't really know what to say.  
"Sacha…"  
"I understand that you want to leave but please, please don't think that you are incapable of caring because you are and I know it. And don't you even dare think that you will be getting away thinking you're going to lose me from your life. I expect to know everything about your new life and I expect visits." That was that. Their conversation had been wrapped up in a small sentence and at that moment she wished she could have had a man like Sacha. Well, not exactly like Sacha. Maybe the personality of Sacha and the body of Ryan Reynolds. She initiated a hug with him for the first time in their friendship.

Eventually after a long talk about Rachel and where Jac would go etc, Jac finally went back to Darwin. She ignored Elliot's pestering asking her why she had said what she had and Mo and Jonny becoming suddenly more interested. She went into her office and pulled out her bag from under the desk. She opened it wide before opening the drawer and shifting the contents of it into the large handbag.

She then left the office quickly and walked away from Darwin for the last time.

She sat in the waiting room of the clinic and stared around at the people who were sharing her air. She felt slightly sick as she looked from the teenagers to the professionals like her. A nurse came round the corner and shouted a name; Jac stood up.

_10 years later_

A man wearing a suit complete with tie entered the pub. He walked over to a table where a blonde woman sat next to two boys on either side, while a young girl with the same blonde hair sat opposite. The man took the seat next to her. Further into the pub sat a woman, struggling to feed a baby in a high chair, and then giving the spoon reluctantly to her husband who tried the aeroplane technique with their child who engulfed the substance before spitting it out again. The woman laughed at his attempt before trying one last time with the little boy in the high chair. A girl sat next to the woman and it was clear to see that they were related. The girl's long auburn hair flowed from her head and her green/blue eyes sparkled as she giggled at her parents attempts to feed her brother.

It was half an hour later that the second family had all eaten their pub lunches in either solids or mushed up baby food and they made their way to the front of the pub and waved goodbye to the barman who was a friend of the ginger woman's husband. She turned to face the door but was distracted for a second by a man with a strong Scottish accent that was somewhat out of place in the city of Manchester where they were eating. The Scottish man turned around when his wife pointed to the woman who was staring at him. She seemed to find this a bit rude, and must have expressed this to her husband as he also turned around with the same confused and angry look on his face. That was until he saw who it was.

"Hello Nurse Maconie."  
"Jac! I…it's been… what, ten years?" Jac nodded. Her husband had now joined her and brought along their two children. The young girl looked at the man with a strange expression as he looked back at her.  
"Mum, who's this?"  
"This is an old colleague of mine." That was all she could she. She looked at Jonny's face. She couldn't tell what his expression meant. The young girl meanwhile had lost interest and the baby boy had started crying so her husband took them outside, leaving Jac to speak with her old colleague.

"So that's you're family then?" Jonny asked, nervously.  
"Yeah that's my husband Joseph, no not the same Joseph. I've been married to him for six years. That was our son, James and Daisy, my daughter. Well," she watched colour drain from his face.  
"Our daughter?" he questioned. He already knew the answer.  
"Yes." Jonny just nodded.  
"And I'm expecting another, I think it's going to be another girl but I haven't had the scan yet. Just what I'm thinking. And that's your family and your wife that I think you should be getting back to actually, it seems she's getting a bit anxious about who I am." Jac smiled.  
"Ah no, that's not my wife. That's my sister and my niece and nephews. I'm not married."  
"Oh I see." Jac felt incredibly awkward.  
"I am with somebody though, and we have a little boy, Jack." He pulled a wallet from his jacket and pulled a picture from it proudly. A young boy around six years old smiled at Jac from his garden.  
"Well that's great." She felt as though she meant it and Jonny believed her words too. Jonny's broke the silence quite quickly.  
"Jac, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you and that I don't even know my daughter and-"

"You were right. We couldn't be together. Daisy knows about you. She doesn't know that it is you, just knows of you. It doesn't seem like she cares very much at the moment but who knows about when she's older. Joseph's great with her though; he treats her like his own." Now it was Jonny's turn to feel awkward.

"Jac! Are you coming? James is getting a bit agitated." Joseph had appeared once more with a now red-in-the-face kind of screaming James in his arms.  
"Yeah, sorry I'm just coming." Jac started to walk away. But she turned back again, "It was nice to see you."  
"Yeah, you too."

**So obviously this is not what I want to happen. What I want to happen is for Janny to be together forever and for them to have wonderfully Scottish ginger babies with shocking cheekbones and for them to rule Holby forever, but this is just something I thought of :) **


End file.
